Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Holy shit dude........stairs
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
