weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
My vagina just recognized that song.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
