it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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