Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
