when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
