Will you blow on my dice?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
