We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
