I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
