his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
