SEEEEXXX PLEASE
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
