Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
