Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
