I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
