You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
