totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
