I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Randomize