Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
