Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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