I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I need to stop coming to work sober
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
