True but thats because hes a fetus.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
