We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
