I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
