Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
