Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
