You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
