My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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