I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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