Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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