quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
