i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
