I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
