No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
