and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
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