Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He? As in you personified your dick?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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