Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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