Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
