idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
vagina is talking i cant
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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