Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I got chris browned last night
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
