Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
