The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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