I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Randomize