I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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