You're so nebulous sometimes
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
