hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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