he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
