Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
