Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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