My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
