The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
