And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
