we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
