Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
