do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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