Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
