are you so shy because you have an std?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I want to be your penis for a week.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
