So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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