I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
