so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
