They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
