sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
