Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
