I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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