singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
