I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
