Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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