i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Shame - the story of my life.
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