I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
She said her name was "party"
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
