you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
