I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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