Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
